Have you ever woken up and not recognized where you are? Even for a moment, been confused? Maybe you fell asleep on the couch or in a moving car. Did you know babies will often experience this when your baby falls asleep all cosy with you and wakes up in a different location? It can be any of the following:
Scary
Unnerving
Confusing
A baby under the age of 4 months can transfer when they are asleep. I hear it all the time from parents - “I used to able to have my child sleep anywhere and move them”.
The issue is your child now has some object permanence. (Object permanence is the understanding that objects continue to exist even when they cannot be perceived (seen, heard, touched, smelled, a memory or sensed in any way){}. In simple terms, they remember where they fell asleep.
When your child falls asleep eating, bouncing, rocking or all snuggled next to you on a chair, and you carefully move them to their crib or bed they may then wake up startled and start to cry. Babies/children often need the same stimulus to fall back asleep.
You may really enjoy your current ways of feeding your baby to sleep, bouncing replacing soothers, rubbing your child’s back etc. but I urge you to think about this information so that you can pave the way for better habits in the future.
Liiteratures stresses that teaching your baby or child the ability to self soothe gives them the ability to fall back asleep without your assistance. WARNING initially this may involve them speaking their minds that they do not like the change - for babies a few nights of extended crying, older children might be increased pop-up or voicing dislike with the shift in the routine.
Feeding to sleep - Try moving your last bedtime feed to slightly earlier in their sleep routine.
Old version - Bath, Pyjamas, book, feed transfer to crib.
New Version - Feed, Bath, book, cuddle and put him/her into bed drowsy but awake.
Your baby might need you to check on him or gently rub tummy a few nights to reassure you are still present. Over the next couple of weeks reduce the amount of your touch and voice to just being present and finally, voilà ...independence.
Crawling into bed with your toddler - ( I hear this one all the time)
Old Bedtime Routine - Your child requires your presence to fall asleep.
New Version - Independently falling asleep and you get time to yourself!
Start small talk with your child and get their input into the changes you want to make. Have a sleep meeting- talk using positive language, positive reinforcement and try to reward your child with your time.
Start small - and maybe try 5 minutes of cuddles and move to sit next to him till they fall asleep. This transition can take longer for you to get out of the room but stay consistent and explain every change to your child.
Change is hard on us all. We face changes as parents all the time. Our kids learn to crawl, learn to speak, learn to run, learn to sleep through the night, learn to read. I don't think our kids will ever stop changing, but we will hold these memories close to our hearts. This change of the last time you feed them to sleep or the last night you cuddle till they fall asleep, remember when they need a moment of extra love when they have had the horrible day or are sick, you will get a look back to how things used to be.
What sleep challenge are your holding on to? What is your favourite last memory you hold close with your children?
Join me when I launch my first FREE online training during which I will discuss - How to host your first family meeting.
Happy Sleep
Alison